Today is my father's one year death anniversary.
October 15, 2012 an early phone (6:00 am) call woke me up; I ignore the first and second call then finally answered the third call. It was my Sister crying and the only words she uttered were sis si Tatay Gitabang napud! I can hear them talking to my father trying to get his consciousness back. Then my sister hang-up and told me she’ll call me back.
The moment my sister hang-up, I know something’s wrong. I was crying so loud and was so scared, for someone who already loss a parent its pretty normal to get scared. I was like please “Lord No! We already loss our mother and it wasn’t easy going on without her, and now Tatay (my father)”, the idea of losing him is too much to bear, I can’t imagine. Then I called my sister because I can’t wait for her to call me back, and then all I could here is she’s crying, she can’t say the words. But I know…I know… we just loss him...
June 16, 2012 Father's Day message on my Facebook."I love you Tatay. I know I am very rude and disrespectful to you at times but my love for you is endless. I cannot survive in this world if I don't have your support and love. Please forgive me for my wrong deeds. Thank you for your patience and understanding in me. I know I am matigas ulo (hard headed), and always giving you disappointment but still u love me unconditionally. And you’re always there to listen to all my sentiment every now and then. Now I know why Nanay takes care of you very much. I know I am not a perfect daughter but I promise to make it up to you from now on. Happy Father’s Day Tatay Abay! "
Going back to the scenario when my father was dying...
I was a little bit questioning God, questions that didn't mean blame but it was just simple questions like: "God, is it really time for him to die, did we do something that we can really do in order to save him from death?.... (Although we can't really save a person from death)...Is it really time to give him up to your hands and did we doubt your power to heal as we let him go to your hands?" With those questions in mind, I hang the phone and called my older brother and inform our relatives from His sides regarding the bad news. I called my dearest friends for comfort because, I was living alone and had no one to talk to. But I managed to be strong because I saw the vision of my father smiling with Jesus...I was crying so loud outside but inside of me, I was so joyful because Jesus assured me that it's already time for him to go and be with my Mother there in Heaven and most of all, Jesus assured me in that vision that our father is saved...and he is already happy in heaven.
And even if our father died because of his illness, I didn't doubt that God can heal him. Although he wasn't healed physically, he was healed spiritually...and that was the greatest miracle that happened in his life.
I miss my Tatay (father), he is the only person in this world whom I could talk to without judging me and asking me why, all he does is listen and believe in me with respect. Even though I know sometimes I’m wrong he still believes in me that every wrong decision I made, He knew I’ll learned something from it. He loves me unconditionally. And his death will always be part of the good memories God gave me and our family.
I know he is already happy in heaven and someday we will see him again...with our Mother too. :)
I know he is already happy in heaven and someday we will see him again...with our Mother too. :)
Originally posted this on my Facebook Notes dated October 15, 2013
"Today, Jesus, as You are listening in your home above; Would you go and find my Tatay and give him all my love" ;(
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